Table between bonds, Prayer shawl across the arms, I think you've nodded off... So upstairs and criss-cross, Stress balls, stretch marks, Leading to ex marks. I wish things weren't the way they are, You and I could finish what we started, But everything is decided by economics, Including the birth of a daughter, And the laughter that comes along with it. Fables between health bars, Self, like her chess clock, Untouched between punches. I wish things weren't the way they are, You and I had finished what we started, Two people who never fell apart, Including the birth of a daughter, And the laughter that comes along with it.
Full and clear: What should I have been? I hear the rage of a starter pistol. Good acting, Looksmaxxing, Should practice. Looking back I just didn't have it in me. Full and clear, What should I have done? I fear the stage of starting interest. Good learner, misunderstood, Bits of salmon under lemon curd, A bit too sweet to handle her. Full and clear, I could have been, And still could be, still could live, But I hear you far surpassed me, Too good for coming last place. Rather, you practice trot and gate, Failing that you simply walk away, Down the hill, then left on blake.
Dauntless spirit: fall to sickness, Hard decisions, job descriptions. Starter pistols, starlight pitchers, Starch, upon a talking picture. Despite ego and wanting children, When all accounted, long divisions, Robert Browning, wrong religions, Accomplished townie, unpolished fingers.
We're turning up the lights. We're not blacking out tonight. Cuz anything that's under half of one percent is a Sober Sip to me. We're going to party, we're not drinking lagers, we're not drinking ciders, we party to hard on those 5 percent beers and I can't remember anything. When the beer's too hard I black out and I can't remember anything. I have come here to this song to start a revolution. At the corner store for $3 we can get something stronger. If we act quickly, tonight we can drink 7% guarana. Doors close at 11 but it's already ten and I want to get faded. Tonight is a Revolution. A night that we'll never forget. Last night was fuckin' lit but I can't remember shit. Fuckin partied way too hard then blacked out from the doorway to the car. Last thing I think we did was have some Sober Sips. Fuckin partied way too hard then blacked out in the doorway of the bar.
Like the sun heats sand, Marrow, lemon, butter. Yellow begets yellow. You can get by, off nomenclatures, You can get off of your oral favours, High horse and compare your god. Yellow teeth, shallow gums, fallow claws, Yellow is the sun that follows you home, Yellow is Chicago, Toronto and New York. Kill fellow flowers to see if he loves you, A selfish color that swallows you whole. Reach the threshold for silence, clap. It takes not much for violence to start. Although, you know that. So, like the sun meets the sand, Grassland or temperant meadow. Yellow begets yellow, Green, brown and red. You can get by, off those things you said, Oral favours or fine works of art you posess. I see the yellow for what it is.
to stop what you are doing and beg in a different way than before for a chance to change; to cause a beginning, a genesis to start anew in a parallel version of your life where you have finally shaken off the slumber, opened your eyes to start a new journey but can it truly be a blank slate if the dust from the eraser still chokes the air?
the first time i heard the word was in the third grade as teacher taught us, piously, of the price He paid as He felt the spike rip though tearing his palms asunder, in two He pleaded, Father, why me? why must the sacrifice i be? the first time i understood the word was in the sixth grade as i started the decline into womanhood as I lay, fetal, on the bathroom floor and the blood soaked my legs and the pain a dull roar I prayed, a desperate plea, Mother, why me? why must a woman I be?
A horn right where the heart is, A horn is where we started, Beasts of a Godhead, snort, What else would they know? Seven heads, Seven hills, a woman sits, Fearing what we couldn't fix is still amiss, On top of the hill, one digests the hits, The house my father built is sticks. This calls for a mind with wisdom, Or A horn right where the heart is. For economics, For a little longer, For when they finally got it, The realization, it was violent. Then floods, then nothing. No foundation to stand on, I must found myself, found my call, But the houses my father built are gone.
It is far better to dry the ocean and be at the bottom of the sandy sea than it is to rage against the tides hopeless, yet aimless, waiting for solace you fight, you splash, you scream only to be treading water for hours while you could have gotten a towel and then started drying the waters taking a while. But as the level lowers, and as you realize you're drowning either way, it was far better to aim for the sand that it would have been to rage against the tide
Smaller seaming, Because he was younger, and brimming, not breaming, Avoided ringing doorbells, Wrote love poems, Fell for risks too far, Bridge too tall an order, Gambles on goon squads, Heart, drawn and quartered, Imagine waking to find that normal. If life was dimming, And one finds a switch, Would you first turn it off Or just turn up and live? If I started singing, Same time swinging my arms, Nobody listens, Not even to turn me off.
Obsessions What power you hold over me... Every action, every thought Is just a push in your direction Feeding into the obsessions, Lost connections, misdirections, Absolutely positively coerced into these affections By a brain constantly seeking tiny moments of perfection. Though you kind of must admire this curation of adoration, All the mental efforts required to keep up the constant cultivation Of this undisturbed fixation, The impropriety and distraction of a single-minded meditation, All these mind-numbing, pacing, clock-like rotations Theoretically leading this obsessive mind to pure elation, The uninhibited fruits of this persistent dedication. Happy sighs and exhalations... But then... The sobering realization That somehow life existed before this shrine’s erection And perhaps the cracks start to show, Unexpected but apparent imperfections, Initially denied and resolutely rejected, The shattered shards of a crystal ball that disagrees with my projections, The deflation, depletion, extortion Of my vexation, Maybe leading to complete and utter exoneration... The disintegration of my fascination. Maybe someday... But for now I prefer to float in my comforting contemplations, Giving in to the infatuation, These happy delusions of my mind’s incarceration. And if the worst this should cause is These false exhilarations, Then I shall stay here for a while And enjoy the scintillating sensations Of my obsessive ruminations. A Temporary Salvation.
No secrets You keep me speechless, I can not lie I hate that I love you, If you knew the damage Would you love me correctly, The hell you put me through I no longer want to be on the ride, You knew I from the start That I fall hard and fast, I try to feel ok While you play with my emotions, There's no need to explain If you think what your doing is ok, I can try to get up and feel ok again But I'm just domino in your game, Does this make you feel better Being on top in this one sided love, I wake up in terror To ask myself what am I doing here, Why do I let myself endure The torture of your love, I can not lie I love you, No more holding inside This dirty little secret I keep, I'm tired of the mistreatment I'm tired of the avoidance, You say I hurt you From a drunken fight, Its time to bring to light Your drunken words, When we met you knew I was unwell, One night amongst your drunken lips You spoke to me a terrible fate, It haunts me in my thoughts The DJ to my demons party, You spoke love sober Yet you spoke death drunk, Your tinder lips slipped I wish you would've died, You hated me for what I did You hated the fact I was broken, I set it aside for the sheer fact That I love you truly, However you still to this day Blame my mental instability, I try so hard every day I fight for my next breath.
You would not believe your eyes If you seen all the dark thoughts, I keep at tide inside my head If only that was true, I can no longer control these racing thought, I'm a danger to myself I've succumb to pain, I've felt numb for too long I inflict pain to just feel something, Thoughts constantly racing Never a chance to think straight, I've found a healthy affliction In the pain I inflict upon myself, I can feel it now Like cardiac arrest, The slip of the chair The tension around my neck, Ill try my best, The pull of the blade Against my wrist, I've been trying my best How much do I invest, Before its all over No longer numb, My Demons They catch me when I slip, Motor control loss Mindless acts, Just a permanent solution To a temporary feeling, Exactly how long is temporary All i want is for this living nightmare to be over, These demons consuming me alive Fighting is no longer a solution, Don't stop me now I know now noone would shed a tear, Noone would shutter a sound To stop me, Forget yesterday I dont wanna see tomorrow, Remember when you told me That I was better off dead, I knew it from the start I was never any good to anyone, You can believe it When im not here tomorrow, Today I find something great Today I find a Healthy Affliction.
Look at the trees, All sweet with honey bees, Kids falling skinning there knees, Moms are running with all there might, Screaming I told you ,don't leave My sight, Now were do we fly our kite, Then they start to fight, Bees are buzzing, Oh so load, under over the huge Big crowd.
-What am i supposed to do? When the life i want is just within my grasp. When the shadow of me won't let go of the past. I can "almost" see them Lear...Taunting...Mocking me, as i start to feel F****** near.... See any clear.... "Fear..?....us... Just follow us down this rabbit hole... Right into your comfort zone. We will show you how disposable you really are! It's not that far.."
She writes fallacies of nobody, Highlights for her hair color, Callously she laughs with glee, Ire beauty and young bravery. Screaming in doorways sobriety, I like to think she knows me not. Picking flowers from her yard, Policy alike her start, mother, Discovering what to be, rather, Honesty like her heart, lover, It beats nobody clever. Until. Forgive my desires: two stepping. Your teacup leaking, I laugh still. Sieve steeping, a living actress, And to live needing? is this banter? Definition in short order, leaving. For give my empires to Stephen, An idea more Corey than Cancer. A ballet dancer, but a thick boy, Holes among left awood with joy, Man ideal for lawyers and cantors, For one who teaches is forgotten, Cotton tarnished in an oily oil. Royalty royal and parched to often, His voice softens, off his head, For I too seek enjoyment, spread.
The thing that hurts the most. You calmed my storms. You helped make sense of the chaos. You plucked me from brokenness. Helped me find strength. I don't know what it was. But just looking in your eyes. Filled my soul with peace. I miss it. I miss the quiet. The calm. I miss us. I'm starting to feel broken again. Empty inside. Trying my best. Not to let anyone see. But there are days. Where control escapes me. Do you think of me? As often as I think of you? Do you remember my name? What it once meant to you? I look back on that day. March 10th. Where I lost you. Where every image I had of you. Just shattered. You were no longer a refuge. You became a source of pain. You still are to this day. I blame myself for it. For my losing you. It's been three months. Realizing it's true. I don't cry as much. Though my heart still does ache. Try as I might; I can't bring myself to hate; You. The situation. Us. I want to throw it under the proverbial bus. I can't. Because the sky still reminds me of you. It was our destiny. Our sky. The world was going to be ours. Accept it. It's over now. These dreams just won't come true. I need to accept that what we are. Is through.
As I looked into my mirror one day, I could see, that a sad little girl was looking at me. I said to this child where is your smile? Through tears she replied, "Can we talk for a while? Your mommy is dead. They took your daddy away. I don't know how you face your mirror everyday?" Besides the lump in my throat, I also felt, a tear trickled down as my heart begin to melt. Sweet Child you see, it is hard to explain, how people can hurt you and cause you such pain. but if you believe that God sent us Jesus his son, you can face everyday and you won't have to run. So smile little girl there is a whole new world of love and happiness and a brand new start, the moment you ask Jesus to come into your heart. Looking deeper yet, into my mirror I could see, that this sad little girl looked exactly like me.