Innasense
2020-10-10 09:54 pm
Warning: this is looooooong and if you’re a sensitive individual the first parts may bother you. But hopefully the last part will inspire you. Speak your truths friends. The ones who matter will love you all the harder. #worldmentalhealthday Hidden Stories They smiled, jokingly told her she looked tired, “Must’ve partied hard last night.” Smile quietly returned, “just didn’t sleep too well I guess.” She didn’t tell them how hard it was to get out of bed this morning, How sleep never came last night, How it felt like the darkness would just swallow her whole, How she felt hollow and empty and there weren’t any tears left, just an ache deep within that wouldn’t subside. And maybe if she just squeezed her eyes shut and stayed in that bed in the blacked out void, She wouldn’t have to face another day of faked smiles and “I’m ok” lies. “Just tired today I guess.” “It’s warm today man!” “What’s with the long sleeves all the time?” “Got some crazy tattoos under there?” He smiled, laughed along with them, Self-consciously ran his hands over his wrists. Over the bandages binding his secrets. They didn’t know how close he got last night, how he almost let go, How so much blood, HIS blood swirled down the drain, mixing with his tears. He was sure no one would miss him, but he wondered if he would miss this world, And the good days out in the sun, Few and far between as they were. What would they say if he were gone tomorrow? “You should’ve come out with us last night. You would’ve had so much fun...” She nodded and made those “next time” promises, though she knew they were lies. She’d stay home again, Wrapped in the icy grips of loneliness, Which felt somehow better than her burning cheeks when the right words just wouldn’t come, or the wrong ones spilled out, and she felt their eyes on her, Panic rising, thoughts frozen Wishing she’d just stayed home, Away from the judgement, And all the wrong moves she always made “Haven’t seen you around in a while! Doing ok?” His mouth smiled, head nodded, lips formed words he’d said so often, automatic. Because, really, he thought, How could I describe that moment last night, body curled up with forehead cold against the kitchen floor, Ears covered to block out the voices, Silent screams wracking his body as the panic overwhelmed him, No breath to speak, And who could he call anyway, How would he explain these moments of pure fear that slipped in unnoticed and become everything, took everything, until he was a shivering shell of himself. Sometimes he wondered, if they could see through him, would they think him weak? Would they walk away...? These people are all make-believe, but the experiences are not, taken from articles and discussions and sometimes even revelations from real-life friends. These are not my stories, but they are someone’s truths, Not their weakness, Not their short-lived sadness that they can just “get over” if you try hard enough to make them happy. (My gosh do I need to remind myself of that part sometimes...) But that doesn’t mean you stop trying. Love them y’all. Love them so damn much that you’ll sometimes break through the cracks in their self-inflicted armor. Listen to them, Give them the chance to be open and honest, And if what they say makes you flinch, imagine what it must feel like for them. Do something kind that makes them smile and get ready to do it again tomorrow. Smile and laugh with them. Cry with them. Be genuine with your thoughts and feelings. Give them space, but check on them. Pull them out of the dark for just a moment, say, “I’m here for you when you need me. And I always will be.” Mental health issues are often invisible, but still feel debilitating to the one inside that head. Stay educated. Be understanding. Love the hell out of each other. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🤎💗
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Innasense
2020-09-25 08:01 am
Throw back the covers on the incessant redundancy of another day. Putting in time for a world we no longer believe in, if ever we truly did. ...Them rose-tinted glasses were long-ago shattered... Our dedication repaid With more stolen hours Coming home with less time To spend with ourselves, Or perhaps those we purposely surround ourselves with, Than we’ll spend talking to ceiling tiles in the dark later on. Droning away the limited hours, The constant pull of a thumb , —Refreshing— Giving our ❤️s away In an opinionated match game Finger-fucking ourselves to sleep Just to say we felt alive Before succumbing to darkness With a see-you-later sayonara Whispered into black, Just like the onyx air pixels we’ll be counting later to lure heavy eyelids back into a much-too-finite slumber ...Or maybe the fluffy white bastards will do the trick Whatever helps you sleep at night... Next day, the inbox the same, Full of spam mail we unsubscribed to ages ago That somehow keeps rearing ugly heads, hydra-like with a pretty new name every time, to keep us believing in the possibility that this particular lovesick prince will be our salvation. DELETE to clear our foggy heads While trying to remember which ones are the liars. The mirage keeps on shifting. Repeat, repeat, World keeps on turning, pulling us along, A child’s toy on a string. But what if, for a moment, We turn away from from the unending axial spins, Sidestep the scythe again, seek out the sunrise... Find the beauty brave souls! Crack open that Earth-shaped geode and search out the wild world within And you know what... Go buy you a new pair of those pretty pink shades
Blake Garner
2020-09-15 10:47 am
No secrets You keep me speechless, I can not lie I hate that I love you, If you knew the damage Would you love me correctly, The hell you put me through I no longer want to be on the ride, You knew I from the start That I fall hard and fast, I try to feel ok While you play with my emotions, There's no need to explain If you think what your doing is ok, I can try to get up and feel ok again But I'm just domino in your game, Does this make you feel better Being on top in this one sided love, I wake up in terror To ask myself what am I doing here, Why do I let myself endure The torture of your love, I can not lie I love you, No more holding inside This dirty little secret I keep, I'm tired of the mistreatment I'm tired of the avoidance, You say I hurt you From a drunken fight, Its time to bring to light Your drunken words, When we met you knew I was unwell, One night amongst your drunken lips You spoke to me a terrible fate, It haunts me in my thoughts The DJ to my demons party, You spoke love sober Yet you spoke death drunk, Your tinder lips slipped I wish you would've died, You hated me for what I did You hated the fact I was broken, I set it aside for the sheer fact That I love you truly, However you still to this day Blame my mental instability, I try so hard every day I fight for my next breath.
Innasense
2020-09-14 11:17 pm
”The End” The night is young, Barely swollen with stars When the illusion shatters As though everyone I had ever known was gone The world as I had come to know it, Ended. Apocalyptic, And without near enough warning. Those paper souls lost, Their memories fast fading, The stories they told, Words lost in the wind Some names forgotten, Others stamped permanently onto my brain, autographs on my heart. I reminisced for a moment On the places we’d been, Conversations had, Friendships shared, Hardships weathered. Bright sunny days spent outside Or solitary nights spent avoiding sleep, Blanketed by the silent words between us, Alone but for each other’s company. Now I just feel alone, utterly, This finality staring me in the face Nothing left to do but face this music Slipping away at too rapid a pace These final notes, One last embrace. I tell myself I must accept this end, But allow myself one backward look Steel my heart, Heave a sigh, And with great trepidation... close this book. ❤️📚💔
Blake Garner
2020-09-12 06:42 pm
You would not believe your eyes If you seen all the dark thoughts, I keep at tide inside my head If only that was true, I can no longer control these racing thought, I'm a danger to myself I've succumb to pain, I've felt numb for too long I inflict pain to just feel something, Thoughts constantly racing Never a chance to think straight, I've found a healthy affliction In the pain I inflict upon myself, I can feel it now Like cardiac arrest, The slip of the chair The tension around my neck, Ill try my best, The pull of the blade Against my wrist, I've been trying my best How much do I invest, Before its all over No longer numb, My Demons They catch me when I slip, Motor control loss Mindless acts, Just a permanent solution To a temporary feeling, Exactly how long is temporary All i want is for this living nightmare to be over, These demons consuming me alive Fighting is no longer a solution, Don't stop me now I know now noone would shed a tear, Noone would shutter a sound To stop me, Forget yesterday I dont wanna see tomorrow, Remember when you told me That I was better off dead, I knew it from the start I was never any good to anyone, You can believe it When im not here tomorrow, Today I find something great Today I find a Healthy Affliction.
Gord
2020-09-01 04:48 am
A little boating, hidden motives, Net cast far and wide, rod and line, Bits of fishing where the hook is life, We are the bait and our path decided. A single holding, hot and high, One's Lifetime amidst the roses, A river flowing, ascots and wine, Single toll trip last night, no guilt. No guild and no scrill. No landmarks or sites. Gifts of civil clothing, Met with concerning eyes, In the yards at night, Burning, the whole thing. The inner coding of my heart of little noting, A bit of doting, conflicts of the coal bin, Am I composing, or composting with silicosis, Wasting away my time with simple nothings, Served of cold beer unnoticed with business going.
crybaby
2020-08-20 11:24 am
8 years old playing with dolls marriage between thots never touched the boys then at school cool swimming pools putting on your clothes causes me to drool in 7th grade joined the parade thats the time i came out of the shade i regret not sleeping at that one night i said what we cant forget you pretend not knowing my face you never call me by my name i just need to know what’s under the snow what’s the name of the show that you play i wish i were straight or you were be gay if only you would lay down with me babe look me in the eyes like i look in yours kiss me on my mouth and i would be yours
crybaby
2020-08-20 11:23 am
i met you on a friday night it was all good and fun i was stressed and fatigue i knew im out of your league but well i tried i tried and i tried and i tried having your attention i lied and i lied and i lied to earn your affection when the party was over you said let’s grab a toaster and then you took me over we got in to your rover then days and weeks came and went but granny had a heart attack you said depression sucked and you only felt love when you were drunk i tried and i tried and i tried stopping you, making you stay i lied and i lied and i lied to look like im okay you are an alcoholic no heart but many lovers our love was narcotic daydreaming like it’s summer i wish we could go back i wish you were sober i think that it’s so bad that i am so so sad while here you are over this shit i wish i could go back i wish i could know that if you loved me in that moment when your eyes weren’t open and the time got frozen real quick
Gord
2020-07-29 05:43 am
Storm the earth, Storm the sea, Arrive in myth, the people be, Not given bronze, not given sons, Living gaunt outside a lodge. Singing swans, singing songs, Zinc, gold, silver, iron, copper, In hefty sums, no bitten tongue. Dearth they arrive, murder at night, No allies, wyrms or fires to fight. Death they provide.
Lynn
2020-07-21 01:31 am
devouring the skin inside my lip. of course, everything in the human body is connected. of course. staining the porcelain with blood and iron, iron and blood and water, the permutations of rust. my voice becomes sticky, sickly sweet - the performance of wellness thickened even further by blood. my crazy, concentrated and caustic, drains through my nose and onto my chin and onto my shirt and onto my hands and down the drain. “i wish the blood inside my mouth were yours”.
Gord
2020-05-20 05:58 am
I guess I could write again, About life: All but writing. Perhaps mine inspire biting, Fists to the side inspiring. A couple stands, A couplet stanza, My life is not simple music, To play on verandas, Nightstand or castle. Rather it's a little shrew, His mind on what is new: "Is it food?"
Autumn
2020-05-14 11:54 am
Show me that night underneath the sky when you pulled me close but i am nothing but smoke in your hands. You are my ghost—or am I yours?— and we float away up to the sun. There’s a shadow around the corner and it haunts me. I flee into your arms— into you— and the fire between us chases it away. I don’t want to leave but you can’t stay and I ask you, please. I’ll let you go forever if you just stay tonight, here with me and whisper in my ear that you’ll never leave
Lynn
2020-04-07 10:57 am
the bedsheets, striped linen, rumpled, unkept the jar of half-full change on the nightstand the dollar store notebook full of dated dreams the bible, still lying in the nonfiction section of the bookshelf the lavender curtains, billowing in the cool spring air— I forgot to close the window. the cat meanders in after his nap in the blue blanket still draped over the armchair, he stretches big, jumps to the east windowsill, and tracks a cardinal, pupils blown wide. parting is such sweet sorrow. (2.2.188)
Gord
2020-03-12 06:39 am
Wishing to find the guardrails of life, Leaning against as he sleeps too tightly, Dreams too deeply, too often: Nightly. Gut or balls, what does it take to fight? Is it twice as woke to never, and lie, Guarded and cross, who takes your rights? How about the lefts? Right.
Kody
2020-02-19 09:42 am
Bin thinking all night Which goes outside Bin worried of bin left out Too much trash inside my house Do neighbors above jest? When no one bin in flight Do the angels laugh at our distress? Despite a sky with all yards in sight In desserts I have bin Now I know which truck rolls in Now my neighbors learn from me My bin is full of trash and now Peace
The Sophist
2019-08-07 06:21 am
Act white; Pack light, Passing every alley in a mad hike. Can you wear your Nikes out, When theft is at a mad high? Can you wear your Gucci belt? 'Cuz theft is at a mad high; Thirsty people getting water like they're Mogwai, Then they're eating after midnight. Man, I can't even see straight. I feel mad high under the streetlights. *Rustle Rustle* as a squirrel runs past. I'm in flight. What the fuck was that?
Dawn Toney
2019-05-15 08:00 am
Another day, Another night, Another tear, Another fight, Another lonely dinner, Another lieing sinner, Another red wet face, Another $500 divorce case.
Gord
2018-10-21 08:56 am
Why write technical poetry? Skylight he remarks, opens, Beams of light Caepoeria, Room a knight of California, Adjoined, special upholstery, Coins, for centuries. My king coiled, Toiling thy rings, By fools finding hands, Bringing foil to my picnics. Thinking spoilt, Singing doyle, Drunk stringing his violin, To play brittle. How would I do, Aemula? Is my world to soon, exposed, Or steeped for your future? A mule for god, How would I too, butcher, Myself, user and administrator? I'm you for Claude, Europe, Sugar, or urban woodland. Frogs bulwark their homeless, I'm too for piles of durance, Furthermore for living fulcrum, Furthermore, for here it comes. Words technical, sure, but speaking of, Can I not just turn and bite my thumb?
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