Innasense
2020-10-10 09:54 pm
Warning: this is looooooong and if you’re a sensitive individual the first parts may bother you. But hopefully the last part will inspire you. Speak your truths friends. The ones who matter will love you all the harder. #worldmentalhealthday Hidden Stories They smiled, jokingly told her she looked tired, “Must’ve partied hard last night.” Smile quietly returned, “just didn’t sleep too well I guess.” She didn’t tell them how hard it was to get out of bed this morning, How sleep never came last night, How it felt like the darkness would just swallow her whole, How she felt hollow and empty and there weren’t any tears left, just an ache deep within that wouldn’t subside. And maybe if she just squeezed her eyes shut and stayed in that bed in the blacked out void, She wouldn’t have to face another day of faked smiles and “I’m ok” lies. “Just tired today I guess.” “It’s warm today man!” “What’s with the long sleeves all the time?” “Got some crazy tattoos under there?” He smiled, laughed along with them, Self-consciously ran his hands over his wrists. Over the bandages binding his secrets. They didn’t know how close he got last night, how he almost let go, How so much blood, HIS blood swirled down the drain, mixing with his tears. He was sure no one would miss him, but he wondered if he would miss this world, And the good days out in the sun, Few and far between as they were. What would they say if he were gone tomorrow? “You should’ve come out with us last night. You would’ve had so much fun...” She nodded and made those “next time” promises, though she knew they were lies. She’d stay home again, Wrapped in the icy grips of loneliness, Which felt somehow better than her burning cheeks when the right words just wouldn’t come, or the wrong ones spilled out, and she felt their eyes on her, Panic rising, thoughts frozen Wishing she’d just stayed home, Away from the judgement, And all the wrong moves she always made “Haven’t seen you around in a while! Doing ok?” His mouth smiled, head nodded, lips formed words he’d said so often, automatic. Because, really, he thought, How could I describe that moment last night, body curled up with forehead cold against the kitchen floor, Ears covered to block out the voices, Silent screams wracking his body as the panic overwhelmed him, No breath to speak, And who could he call anyway, How would he explain these moments of pure fear that slipped in unnoticed and become everything, took everything, until he was a shivering shell of himself. Sometimes he wondered, if they could see through him, would they think him weak? Would they walk away...? These people are all make-believe, but the experiences are not, taken from articles and discussions and sometimes even revelations from real-life friends. These are not my stories, but they are someone’s truths, Not their weakness, Not their short-lived sadness that they can just “get over” if you try hard enough to make them happy. (My gosh do I need to remind myself of that part sometimes...) But that doesn’t mean you stop trying. Love them y’all. Love them so damn much that you’ll sometimes break through the cracks in their self-inflicted armor. Listen to them, Give them the chance to be open and honest, And if what they say makes you flinch, imagine what it must feel like for them. Do something kind that makes them smile and get ready to do it again tomorrow. Smile and laugh with them. Cry with them. Be genuine with your thoughts and feelings. Give them space, but check on them. Pull them out of the dark for just a moment, say, “I’m here for you when you need me. And I always will be.” Mental health issues are often invisible, but still feel debilitating to the one inside that head. Stay educated. Be understanding. Love the hell out of each other. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🤎💗
0
Innasense
2020-09-17 05:44 pm
I may have recently found a love of haikus...enjoy a heap of them! Such a small creature A fascination in green Life measured in hops Grading seems endless Constantly processing...sigh, Your work is due friends Bike accident, ow! Purple bruise on my kneecap Tiny tragedy Dead creature, a gift! Spare me your adoration Love in kitty form Humanity ruins Each other, our home, all things The one true constant Build each other up A constant stream of kindness Love creating joy Sleep eluding me Again I’m counting critters Heavy eyes please close This day could be good But only if you live it Stay here, keep trying Tiny puzzles these Haikus pieced together and Shared with awesome friends
Innasense
2020-09-14 11:17 pm
”The End” The night is young, Barely swollen with stars When the illusion shatters As though everyone I had ever known was gone The world as I had come to know it, Ended. Apocalyptic, And without near enough warning. Those paper souls lost, Their memories fast fading, The stories they told, Words lost in the wind Some names forgotten, Others stamped permanently onto my brain, autographs on my heart. I reminisced for a moment On the places we’d been, Conversations had, Friendships shared, Hardships weathered. Bright sunny days spent outside Or solitary nights spent avoiding sleep, Blanketed by the silent words between us, Alone but for each other’s company. Now I just feel alone, utterly, This finality staring me in the face Nothing left to do but face this music Slipping away at too rapid a pace These final notes, One last embrace. I tell myself I must accept this end, But allow myself one backward look Steel my heart, Heave a sigh, And with great trepidation... close this book. ❤️📚💔
Innasense
2020-09-13 09:17 pm
“Wake Up” Ahh, the unexpected depression of waking up to greet another day This menial mundane monstrosity Shaded in varieties of gray Sloughing through begrudged routines, Caged in by an endless checklist Punctuated only by commas. Collecting “cherished moments” On your camera roll To say the day was a happy one. Hiding behind the infernal screen, A spyglass to a world you don’t even want But hold onto anyway with white-knuckled grip, Afraid that reality won’t measure up To this life stickered with fantasy labels And you wonder when the dreaming stopped, Probably that moment you realized you still hadn’t woken up a superhero, Or that unicorns don’t exist outside of fairy tales When tomorrows bled into yesterdays And you looked back in wide wonder Questioning how you collected so many rings in your trunk And pondering where all the whimsy went Chasing shadows of what was And what could have been, Gazing into the abyss of what-ifs Unnecessary self-induced miseries. A waste of numbered moments. Time that could be spent counting freckles that bridge across tiny noses, And listening to the relentless chatter Of a little heart that has not yet been broken, And who still believes in the maybes. I see you little souls. For you, I awaken.
Innasense
2020-09-13 09:10 pm
Static Filled up with all that I can’t seem to say Brain buzzing ...Static... Like the constant angry drone of so many bees Short-circuiting and electrified Monological trappings trapped inside An open book With nothing to hide But still the words won’t come alive ...All I hear is static... Chest compressed and short of breath static, Static, STATIC Word obsessed, Linguistically repressed, Time-limited and hard-pressed Leaving me languid and distressed ...Static... Thoughts hellbent on sweet release Chasing words and losing sleep Those just-right lyrics are buried deep Underneath the static Ripping at my throat Itching in my fingers Insides aching Quivering, quaking All this FUCKING static .................................................... .......................... .......................... Frenzy fading Thoughts relocating Words spilled out Conscious creating A state of nirvana elevating And all I feel is Silence
Blake Garner
2020-09-12 06:42 pm
You would not believe your eyes If you seen all the dark thoughts, I keep at tide inside my head If only that was true, I can no longer control these racing thought, I'm a danger to myself I've succumb to pain, I've felt numb for too long I inflict pain to just feel something, Thoughts constantly racing Never a chance to think straight, I've found a healthy affliction In the pain I inflict upon myself, I can feel it now Like cardiac arrest, The slip of the chair The tension around my neck, Ill try my best, The pull of the blade Against my wrist, I've been trying my best How much do I invest, Before its all over No longer numb, My Demons They catch me when I slip, Motor control loss Mindless acts, Just a permanent solution To a temporary feeling, Exactly how long is temporary All i want is for this living nightmare to be over, These demons consuming me alive Fighting is no longer a solution, Don't stop me now I know now noone would shed a tear, Noone would shutter a sound To stop me, Forget yesterday I dont wanna see tomorrow, Remember when you told me That I was better off dead, I knew it from the start I was never any good to anyone, You can believe it When im not here tomorrow, Today I find something great Today I find a Healthy Affliction.
Gord
2020-09-11 05:58 am
Drinking Bowls and pitchers, like smoking coals and timber; If only bones could lift, Our home, save the children, Even buried having all gold and silver, Can an afterlife supply of groves and vineyards? Old and crippled, mouth of the old man dribbles, His eyes meet to eventually form a river; How can he romance with trombones and singers, When he sees and himself, groans and withers, Lays down again amongst the toads and lizards; Eyes hollow and wrinkled, bathrobe, slippers, Windows, the stones that hit them, now coal, Used to build all the roads and bridges.
crybaby
2020-08-20 11:26 am
im literally dying, dying, dying, dying i just wanna give up crying, crying, crying. it’s cold in my room it looks like a tomb, it’s cold in the house all the people are out hiding from each other not like those ideal lovers we’re cold without a warm hearted spouse. you’re shouting those words i wish ive never heard everybody is hurt and left in the dirt. for who is it good and why is it useful that we don talk the way we used to? im literally dying, dying, dying, dying i just wanna give up crying, crying, crying. but i just cant, cuz im in tears, i have many fears we wont talk for years. i wanna speed up the time to help healing the scares. it’s such a fucking shame, tomorrow’s valentine’s day we should be having fun but i guess it’s over now cuz we dont love the same oh what a shame. it’s shit being alone so darken your clothes and shut up your thoughts it’ll be better in months but who really knows? who really knows?
crybaby
2020-08-20 11:23 am
i met you on a friday night it was all good and fun i was stressed and fatigue i knew im out of your league but well i tried i tried and i tried and i tried having your attention i lied and i lied and i lied to earn your affection when the party was over you said let’s grab a toaster and then you took me over we got in to your rover then days and weeks came and went but granny had a heart attack you said depression sucked and you only felt love when you were drunk i tried and i tried and i tried stopping you, making you stay i lied and i lied and i lied to look like im okay you are an alcoholic no heart but many lovers our love was narcotic daydreaming like it’s summer i wish we could go back i wish you were sober i think that it’s so bad that i am so so sad while here you are over this shit i wish i could go back i wish i could know that if you loved me in that moment when your eyes weren’t open and the time got frozen real quick
crybaby
2020-08-14 09:18 am
im so high and not because of drugs but because of love it’s alright i said what ive said and i meant what ive meant it’s so nice i just wanna be yours wanna be close wanna mean more to you i just wanna see you wanna kiss you wanna hear more from you and baby maybe it’d a big mistake to tell you i cant live without you, but only the dead dont make mistakes and im so alive when i think ‘bout you. i hope you’ll find peace in me cause i found peace in you and i know that im kinda freaky, it’s cuz im crazy in love with you. for freedom id give my life for love id give my freedom for you id give my love my life now has a reason im trying so hard not think about you, not fall in love with you. but what if it’s too late? and if it’s too late, baby what should i do? what should i do when everything’s against this love? what should i do when i dont know what you want? what should i do when i have so many questions but dont know the answers? what should i do when, what should i do when, baby what should i do?
crybaby
2020-08-14 09:15 am
a kinda happy stuff i wrote while i was thinking about you
i wrote down my thoughts while you were on my mind
this is my happy song my first happy song and it’s about you like all my sad songs are like all my sad songs yeah they’re all about you. i feel like when we talkin’ cuz yeah we’re talkin’ it’s like we’re bondin’ it’s all about chemicals. i feel like when you smilin’ cuz yeah you’re smilin’ yeah you’re so beguilin’ it’s all about miracles. and it’s sooo good you made me feel like this you can’t even imagine it how how happy i am right now how how happy i am right now. na na na na na na na naaa na na na na na na na naaa nah, im not sad anymore i dont meet sadness no more while im on a date with her sister called anxiety oh no ‘what if you cheat on me what if you smile at him?’ that’s not me. ‘what if you run away and we never talk again?’ you asked me. oh please don’t do this to me just kill the party with me and we’ll never leave this life come on kill the party with me and let’s leave this house and i keep on smiling yeah im still smiling you did this to my body it’s all about romance. my life used to be a mess it was such a mess but with you it’s not like that it’s all about romance. and it’s sooo good you made me feel like this you can’t even imagine it how how happy i am right now how how happy i am right now. na na na na na na na naaa na na na na na na na naaa
Steven Delvin
2020-08-10 12:32 pm
Rejoice O' Dear Pilgrim's Steven Delvin Mututo Muturi Rejoice! Rejoice! My heart sings. It's proud,quite a revolt, Overwhelmed by high spirits. Best better made choice's_ So proud of this feeling- As not one can default_ Of all it truly seeks. Fighting the wars, merely won on the past_ previous Escapade's, On the truces of truth. Stands firm and tall, Relatively all along. A positive mentalist, A determined mindset, A humble individual_ Highly dedicated And fully determined Having negativism eradicated. Despite how it all looks, Sophistically complicated I have all my wills, Precious bills to be initiated. A focused soul. Doing the best to shake off, All the shackles of darkness Profuse dark need's_ No Hope mentality, Out of our every human borne Off the transgress, Of life's worst enemy's, That kill's hopes in life. On very self individuals, I try to wipe it all out Erasing all its crooked details_ Engraved wildly on many A blurred people's life. The negatively emotional Wrath stained life's invoice Much a strain to many. Just dearly,do hear my voice. As in your personalised mails, I will send some by the rails Tagging along recorded clips_ Mine own recorded voice Blended with messages of hope The best percussionist's theme With a perfect rhyming scheme With a Hope streams beat sets A perfect blend rhythm. Rejoice! Oo' ye' Brethren. Son's and Daughter's, Of the very Most High. Let out your faint sigh's, Relax your panting, The gulping gasps, And rest all your worries- Along the wicked fears, To the reign of the supreme On the kingdom of the Most High, Our Holy God. Lay off,Yours all earthly burdens And soar again- As a new soul, A new being_ Divinely borne Blended in Holiness's. Cast out your eyes And settle them over, The glittering sigh post_ With glittery letters of Gold, That's so clear on sight. A message of Hope, To us all- So loosen your grips_ And firm holds off the ropes, That tags,drags along The petty dark burdens Of our own pretty pasts. Embark on a Divine journey- The very new noble course, And progress with pilgrimage_ An affirmative programme, Cruising mast vast mileages Crossing many boundaries, Past many a villages, Across the horizons, Preaching the Gospel. Touching along lives. New hopes,new things Great achievements And magnificent endeavors, To people's you truly spell_ For a new life- All can spell, Walking in new Grace's New righteous traces, To the very far end..
Lynn
2020-08-05 12:07 am
Soy el saber de la diosa griega Athena. Ella también, tenía la inteligencia pa excavar los misteriosos del universo. Soy los anillos de Saturno. Somos de las mismas cosas: tierra, rocas, y movimiento. Soy los diamantes debajo de la tierra. Somos el carbono, el cuarto elemento mayor en la galaxia. Y como los diamantes, brillo. Yo tengo diecinueve años pero soy mayor que el sol. Yo soy las estrellas en en cielo. Cuando una estrella nace, una nebulosa necesita derrumbarse. Y también, me caí de la gracia divina. Y eso no fue mi muerte, fue mi nacimiento. Estoy lista para ser una de las estrellas allá. El autor F. Scott Fitzgerald dijo que “cuando tenías diecicinco años tenía el resplandor de la mañana temprana, pero cuando tienes veinte años, tendrás el luminoso triste de la luna.” Soy de los rayos de la luna. No soy más brillante del sol, pero reflejo el resplandor de la gente más como el sol, brillante. Soy luz, soy luz, soy luz. ¿Identidad? ¿Personalidad? Definir es limitar. Entonces, no me limitaré. Soy el árbol viejo en el campo vacío del granjero. Soy sola y mi mente necesita el silencio. Miraré el cielo y todos los animales que me hacen sus casas. Soy la lluvia de las mañanas tempranas cayendo encima del árbol viejo, suave y bastante frío. Soy artista melancólica. Me disparé en el medio del campo entre los girasoles altos. Soy todas esas cosas y todas más. Soy las interpretaciones de la gente que conozco. Aún, las interpretaciones que las otras no son que soy de verdad.
Lynn
2020-07-21 01:31 am
devouring the skin inside my lip. of course, everything in the human body is connected. of course. staining the porcelain with blood and iron, iron and blood and water, the permutations of rust. my voice becomes sticky, sickly sweet - the performance of wellness thickened even further by blood. my crazy, concentrated and caustic, drains through my nose and onto my chin and onto my shirt and onto my hands and down the drain. “i wish the blood inside my mouth were yours”.
Gord
2020-06-15 03:16 am
Do thickets see steeples, or are people the thickets? If writers are thick headed, Writing of Peter Pans' pigs, Who visits? Bull, riches, seer, man, Write a list upon my hand, So that my plot, it thickens. What is time spent living: Divine or perspective driven? Plate spinner, of your illusion, Place your spins upon their back. Bull, chickens, and feelings lack, Who takes from hands of other hen? Who take the hands of other hen, Who take the land of wary men, Who lost to men, More suspicious then. What is it all about: Defense, or Pence, To what extent do I extend, What is strength?
Gord
2020-06-11 05:50 am
The bar too low, A life in limbo. Civil man elicit, Dance too rigid. Cancer, victim, Lance too frigid. Is life another rhyme? Saved for another time, or just a bunch of lies? Head and shoulders, Knees and hipbones. But does god see soles, Planted into the beach? How does god see souls, Managed funds and stealing? While reaching into homes, to take his piece? A plastic man, made for shelves, Laughs filling his fantastic needs.
Gord
2020-06-08 05:39 am
No brittle bones, paid for sickness, For where it goes is nonsense. Undying, nobody throws spear immortal, Even if the wind vied in cordial, Simple wounds seal of licks and moans. My immortal man made of sticks and stones, Drowns in cordial, healed by cordial, Acting cordial among the crude oil.
Gord
2020-06-04 02:07 am
Bones that manage to crack, A love forever lacking, What one cannot foresee comes again. Losing fights that cannot be won, outgunned, outlasted, nor outrun. A foot forced to shrubs, But what of the lungs? Lonesome, handsome fighter, What of your gloves? What of your sums? Poster person, spokesman, What of you becomes?
\/