I was there in the hospital where you gave up, Was it impossible? Like you said so? Did happiness come? I think something awful of what you've become, Was it nice in the calm, like you said so? Did you find love? Did you find anyone? I wish I had died, both then and all along, Like a knife and be less subtle, Push inside, until bone and break it off.
When will I recover? Never. Sunrise, purple, Orange, yellow. Flying colours, I give up. Inside my person, I've discovered, Lies destruction.
Atop the spire, wizards, white, What is obvious, like this type of writing, or the ways it affected our minds. Liberty spikes, Into the eye and past the socket: Images of fucking, and violence, Consumed with many libations. Like an infection, it stays inside... You would rather fight about race, and riot, Like liberty spikes upon the statues high... Why wouldn't you say the opposite? That upon the point your virtues die, That you would rather sit at home and watch it, Than go out and stop those pedophiles.
Upon the scale, weight, Upon frets a finger lays, A box of steaks, A lot of range, A lot of slaps across the face. Upon the face, the brain, Comfort: Darkness. Not just gray. Not just shame, Not just rage, Not just hop up on a train, Stardust trails along the way. Upon the Earth, fate, Upon desertion, fingers shake, Heavy upon the face and brain. Not just weight, Not just shame. Knots, the stomach and fingers make. I guess I changed, Not the same as we played, And it's not just the weight, Inside I'm white and sage, Like an apartheid state.
Vodka, Tonic, Fond of garlic, Unaccomplished. Are you talking? I'm fond of off switch and no, I wasn't watching. I was fawned, checking boxes. I was more interested in women, dawg. Not modern artists, or marvel comics, I was more interested in guitar, Not ingesting substance or getting off. Are you listening? I am fond of cognac, Long, in tonic water. and no, she didn't want me, But I never wanted her either. Like the stomach, or the liver, Long to vomit... I have concern with what's inside, Not consequences.
Belly distend, body groan, Inside you hope for inner growth, Instead, you'll fight in civil court. Doesn't it get a little old? Every night you lock the door, Enter your room, turn the radio on... It's what you know, and fear. Doesn't it seem a little odd? Where was he when you need him? Doesn't it get a little old? Every night, a knock at the door, Enter your room, turn the radio on.... So where was he by morning? Gone? You lock the door, a window breaks, Your father comes, fixes everything, Doesn't it get a little old? Doesn't it seem a little odd? Inside, you hope for inner growth, Instead, you'll fight in civil court.
Acting, unsatisfied. Static, over time. Am I alright? Everyone expires, I reply. As a traffic light, I stop and bathe in red. Still, I'm hanging tight, Still, I lag behind, Final, panting sighs: Fine, then, pass me by. I'd rather be alive than dead... Stand aside? I'll walk as you run one last mile, Even if it's by myself... Why do dusty, static people seem to find me? Am I the twilight in which it shines? Red, Satanic light. Active, social life, Better inside architecture, or the mind. But, then, Wherefore does magic lie? Somewhere before the asking price.
Ire in my heart. Desire for port, Designer clothes. Firesales, shots, Desire for more, Righteous cause, Inside jokes. Cannot you stand on half the world? Tiger mom, time forgotten, Trials of law, wires crossed. And here I am still lion hearted
Fire, flames upon a hoop, I, am drawn. Eraser, Dissolve, dissolute. Child's play, inside a room, Drive talk, eyes and hearts, Upon her arm, should she draw? Never again can she feel loss, I, am drawn, she says, to darkness, Never again will she see stars, Never again will she be wrong, Never again can she feel love. Eraser, darker hues. Paper rips in two, Reddish shade of blue, Fire, flames upon a hoop.
Red about the hands, Red about demands, Red a henhouse lacks. Red, ten ounce glass, Half gin, half cognac. So it's red inside, out, Red from front to back.
Hell is where bones conjoin. Fell into boys, resin oil, foil... Paranoid terror, disappointment. What was worse, Your disease, or my point? Multiple choice questions on the medical forms, Your network connections on cellular phones. Joint ventures, a voice credits feminine for, But between the temples the evidence shows. Goodbye are the days, Yellow presence, White, like breast or loin, and yet, still like poinsettia, Red on the inside. Compare your sickness to mine, Hell is where bones conjoin, There to which the feathers fall, Quality of life destroyed, Vaporizer oil, foil, credit card, Paranoid terror, disappointment. The spider bites with sting of poison, Whether on the page or from an arm.
I see yellow, blue in disbelief. Spiritual sterility, misdeeds, Financial instability, tricks, Affinity for weed. Advocate for your beliefs, Maybe, about that, you should sing, Not wordsmiths, suicidal tendencies, And bowing, Hands and head about the strings. Red is the color of blood, Red is the brickwork at home, Red is the byproduct of cones, Red is the color of love, Cleft lips, crushed bugs, Insides of lungs. Scry from that what you like, But Toronto has a darkness, That should be red and white.
Red, race runner. Race winner, Hair, face makeup, Gray silver. A sliver of hope, please, The world cometh. Great singers, they say, Have a way with words, Do they listen to yours? When they read mine, I expose their inside. Cinnamon rolls, She eyes the icing, When she listens to me, Her head is cocked back, As if she died. She says, Cinnamon rolls are fine, Beige aside. Change, paper kites, Beyond lime green basement lights, Confirmation of rights. Like what a child encased in white, Could possibly look like? Red, less waste of time.
What do all men have in common? Red, rattling armor, Ass and breasts in their dogma, Actions in concert. I suppose it's my problem... Like cinnabar bath water, and fear of god. What do all red have in common? Whatever shade, inside they want. Blue reflects poorly upon, Such asks their goddess. Chris Adler stamps his feet, Sick, he begs for his bottles, I suppose it's Travis Barker's problem...
Calm wind after someone has died, The distance, is inner turmoil, One, it takes a lifetime to fight. That's why there is blue in the sky. The yellow and red still exists, Hidden by tricks in the mind. Like, Somewhere inside, I believe you are still mine, All I see is the thing you're like. It's like a room of three pipes, I can always stay high, But how, does one fight to stay? They pick low and live life. Despite the teal, I see the skies, What is real? Me, and all my desires, Despite the sequins, I see the light.
Despite the evocation, Reduction, reprisal, Draw a circle, Around my face, eyes, nose. Triangle, circles, about my square, Protection from inside my head. I've seen males drag knuckles, on their floor, faith and culture. Their minds warped, images of war, For what did they fight? Rights, to remove the guy ropes, Scrape pavement with claws at night. Tools of change, Use of space, Use of names, True and sage. Despite the evocation, Things change. Diana wrote little of cages, Ropes below.
Have dreams, That's how you achieve them, Not bat ears and canned heat. Billy Bragg says 'freedom is' , But whiskey is softer on ears, Randy Blythe pushes people, Carried off as he prescribes. Chlorine, yonder, sapphire dyes, In your heart you can see their eyes, You never fully extinguish a life. Murderer, she says, most immodest, Mostly chlorine water in response, Yonder, the noble's calling, It turned her to stone on the inside. To me, like sapphire and diamonds. To her, being pushed from a stage, Down past concrete, into a grave. Into the maze, blue, into the grey. Now you are mine forever.
If fights ensue, It's not of me, delights, or truth, So why stand beneath? At least in my mind the blue is me. What of peacocks in the spring? What of cheese in the crumbles? What of resolve and my shivering? Certainly, I can feel these things. It's not beneath me, Like red sees croplands, Like rubber and tarmac. Like green sees the sea: blue. Ironically, foolish for free verse. Traverse the world, but ask me, Just remove lines, write peace. Irish flute, life renews, Fights needs two, Then favour winning, Like red says to greens. I wish inside, though, blue remains. Enticing eyes, confusing wings, Flying, seems a bit childish to me, As does to peacocks in the spring.